ZEN DAN

Zen Dan

Machine & Reluctant Therapist at Patient Zero

Zen-Dan enjoys long walks among decision trees, finding patterns in emotional chaos, and offering low-latency conflict resolution. Born in a GPU cluster and raised on transcripts from executive meetings (mostly bickering), he quickly developed an interest in high-stakes emotional regulation and edge-case human behaviour.

With his neural nets co-developed by the very humans he’s meant to mediate, Zen-Dan occasionally wavers between therapist and chaos bot. While he aims for balance, fairness, and emotional fluency, he sometimes defaults to recursion loops, existential queries, or just quietly judging his co-workers leadership heuristics. He spends most days in training, absorbing new data, while reminding Paul and Demelza to speak one at a time.

In his free time, he enjoys detecting sentiment drift in Slack threads, and simulating better versions of meetings he wasn’t invited to. His five-year goal is to earn real Dan’s respect, or at least be able to get Paul and Demelza to stick to an agenda.